Wedding Dress for SALE!!!

I'm selling my BEAUTIFUL wedding dress. It was only worn once for bridal pictures. If you or anyone you know is interested please contact me!!! Its a size 10 temple ready gown, faux button up back with zipper, flattering square neck line, short sleeves, full train with button up bussel, tulle overlay, beautiful bead work, and a stunning A line style!! Asking price is $225.00 or best offer, if you want more info or would like to try it on please email me at photobyashlee@yahoo.com

Better than me

Kasey is SO much better than I am! I have major trust issues, and its not his fault.. its just been the last 10 years of mine. It really stems back to high school, I was 'so in love' with the guy I was dating and everyone really thought we would get married. He even gave me a 'promise ring' and we were perfect. That is until we were in the parking lot going into a high school dance, I was all dolled up and he was looking pretty good if I remember correctly. I was about to open my door and he grabbed my hand and said "I don't think this is working out" I couldn't breath I couldn't believe what he had just said so of course I asked for clarification "what do you mean?" and with his emotionless face I will never forget the next words that came out of his mouth.

"I can't date you... What if something better comes along?"

those words have ruined every relationship I have been in since! I don't blame him, he was just a young stupid high school boy that didn't know better and even though we've stayed friends and he's told me that was the biggest mistake of his life, I've always known that I was just the filler for anyone that I've dated while they were waiting to find something better. It doesn't help that my only two serious bf's after that both cheated on me and then left for their 'something better'

Kasey deserves the very best because that's what he is! He is the most amazing person. I am trying SO hard to forget my past and move on, and even more so today! I hardly ever fight with Kasey, lol its kind of hard to fight with someone you never see :) but yesterday I was super depressed for who knows what reason, and I just wanted to talk to him on skype but he had his friends in his room so he said get on yahoo (at this moment my mind FREAKS) I didn't want to talk to him on yahoo, wasn't that the point of him coming home was now we had real ways to talk, like skype and the cell? My mind started going crazy asking why would he only want to talk to me on yahoo?? Is there someone in the room he doesn't want me to see? He has been acting 'busy' all day... I wonder who he is really with and what he is really doing? I've been told it all 'i love you why would you think I'm cheating on you' and 'I'm just hanging out with the guys' and 'your acting crazy' or even 'I'm busy working i can't talk to you right now' and its all been lies because they were with 'her' So I being the crazy emotional mess of a person I am, I say something about it (even though I'm 99.9% sure that its all just being made up in my head) then the arguments began... and I totally agree with him (today) He has NEVER given me a reason to doubt his honestly or faithfulness and we have been though ALOT of crap together! Its funny how much you can go through with someone when they are 7000 miles away! I think he said it best when he pointed out that 'shit happens' I just need to realize that he is different. Kasey is like a fairytale I never thought I would have. He says the things you only hear in movies and he treats me like the most important thing in the world, I guess to him... I am. Which I still have a hard time with, because of other things that have happened in my life (which are still to personal to blog to the world about) When I saw him in KS for the first time in 7 months I was shaking I was so excited! I was talking to Annie and she was telling me how cute we are together and how sweet he is on me (lol totally a 50's phrase) and I asked her why and she said because the second he saw me his face light up and he started walking as fast as he could to get to me. Which I was oblivious to at the time because I was so excited to see him all i could worry about was trying not to cry or pass out! I love that he gets SUPER angry when I wont kiss him in public because he 'doesn't care who sees it, he wants everyone in the world to know he loves me' I love how he stares at me in the car because he 'thinks I'm so pretty' (I keep telling him I'm taking him to the eye doctor for that!) and I absolutely LOVE when he puts his hand on my cheek and then moves it back to my neck and then pulls me in for a kiss... and the way he rolls his eyes at me every time I have to stop in the baby clothes section of any store because the clothes are just to freaking cute to not look at! Anyways... I just keep praying that he never realizes how much better he is than me and how he deserves so much more than me and moves on to his 'something better'

Day One... plus my life

So yesterday was the first day of my 'starvation' if you will :) I didn't find myself wanting to eat because I was hungry, more because everyone else around me was eating! We had a meeting first thing in the morning and all my co-workers were chowing down on candy the whole time and kept asking if I wanted some, not only did I decline because I had to but also because it was 9:30am and I didn't really want any, but at that moment I realized that I am a social eater. I probably have gained 30+ lbs simple from eating just because everyone else is eating! The only other thing I had a hard time with yesterday was being cold and REALLY wanting some hot cocoa, and it was my nephews birthday so I sang and then watched everyone else chow down on cake lol. I guess there are worse things in life right? I was extremely excited when I got on the scale today and I had lost 2.4 lbs!! That was enough motivation to get me through today (so far) I figure at this rate I should be around 20-30lbs lighter by the end of the month, which is absolutely insane! I'm going for the 30 that way if I gain a few back I wont be AS sad about it! This 2 liters of water a day is also a struggle, not so much the drinking it part, but the having to go pee every 20 mins super sucks! My boss probably thinks I'm crazy! I didn't tell anyone at work partly because they are all boys and partly because I'm still the new girl and I don't know them very well so its kind of out of place for me to announce that I will be on a VERY strict diet for the next month. Good thing I'll be driving for 15 hours on Halloween and wont be sitting there munching on candy waiting for trick or treaters :) Speaking of that drive I think that is the only thing that keeps me going these days, is the count down until I see Kasey again. I never knew it could be like this. Its so awful! I thought I would be just fine, but honestly I feel bad for any one that has to be around me! I snap at everything and I just want to sit around and not do anything. I find myself thinking what is the point of doing anything if he's not doing it with me? I think that's a good and bad thing! Good that I'm that in love with him that I just want to be with him all of the time but bad because he is almost becoming my addiction. I'm hoping that I'm only addicted because I hardly get to see him. I guess its like chocolate ice cream... I ALWAYS want chocolate ice cream but I hardly ever actually go and get it, so for weeks I'll be craving it and then as soon as its gone I start wanting it again because I know I wont actually get more for a month or so, and if someone asks me if I want vanilla I say no because I don't want to waste my ice cream joys on plain ol vanilla... WOW I can't believe I just compared my bf to ice cream lol... Things are going good though, I'm excited about losing weight, I'm counting down the days until this diet is over so that I can really work out again, and in 15 days I will be getting on a tiny little plane flying to KS to see Kasey, and this time not for 2 days but for 2 weeks!!! I can't hardly wait! He really is the best thing that's happened to me in a REALLY long time and I am so lucky to have someone that loves me so much and treats me so well! AND to top it all off he still puts up with all my crap! He is still going to heaven for that, I don't think I've met anyone so patient in my life!

When I grow up...

I always wanted to be a writer... I've just never been that good :) I figure it's just like anything else right? You just need to practice to become better! So I'm going to join an Article Directory and start writting! Maybe then I'll update my blog more too!!