My Best Friends Wedding

Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day! I'm hoping for great weather {not to hot and no rain} because tomorrow my best friend is getting married! I am so happy for her I can't even begin to explain it! 

Her and Eric have been dating for a few years and its about time they tie the knot! 

Annie and I met back in 7th grade and after I invited myself to lunch the first day of school we became insta-friends! We've been through so much together and I'm glad to have her in my life! I hope you have the most amazing day tomorrow Annie and I can't wait to see you as a married woman, you are going to make a wonderful wife!! Congratulations! 

The Doctor...

If you follow my blog or know me in real life then you know that for the last 3 1/2 years I've been trying to fight fatigue, not just being sleepy but full on can't function some days because I'm so tired my limbs are being pulled to the ground by gravity can't keep my eyes open fatigue! I've been to the dr a few times and the first time it was "maybe you should become more granola and go hiking more but in the mean time take these pills for weight loss " um... ok?! I did and they gave me TONS of energy but after a few months he said they weren't working anymore so he took me off them.. they seemed to be working to me but what do I know right? He also drew some blood and had a few things tested things were fine so he sent me on my way. Fast forward a couple years and I went back last October and had more blood drawn but nothing ever came of that either. Yesterday I finally sucked it up and went back to the doctor, this time a NEW doctor! Going to the dr gives me more anxiety than anything else in the world! I get sweaty palms and feel sick, my blood pressure goes through the roof and I just want to die! I feel like I'm a crazy person going in for a fake illness because they never find anything! I went in mostly for my annual check up and brought up the fatigue while I was there. I am REALLY hoping for an answer this time around! He explained to me that while yes my thyroid was 'ok' last time i was checked it had dropped a VERY large amount from the first time it was checked, and that there might be a few other minor things going on causing the problems I'm having. So 5 viles of blood and a urine sample later I'm going to patiently wait until next Wednesday until I go back for my follow up visit to find out what they find! I don't remember everything they said they were going to test for but some them are:

white and red blood cell count

thyroid {again} 

all my hormone levels 

my tryglistrides 

and a bunch of other things, I think the girl actually drawing my blood listed off about 25 things! They have to find something right?! I'll know for sure by next week, and hopefully its nothing major!   

4th of July

The 4th of July is my favorite holiday of the year! Its full of family, friends, bbq, and fireworks! {oh and don't forget its one of the few holidays you don't have to buy gifts for people!} This year was so nice and relaxing, we headed up to my cousins house where they had pulled pork sandwiches and tons of other food and I made the coolest cake and forgot to take a picture of it :( hopefully someone did so I can get a copy of it! Anyways here are a few pictures from the day! 

Amy & Aaron's super cute girls!

 The handsome Glazier boys 

Rochelle & Nicks beautiful kids

Jenna & Seth's sweet girl {somehow I don't have a picture of there little boy :( dang it!} 

Justin & Jen's studly boys

Grayson is learning to ride bikes and he loves them! Sadly the only one around was a pink and purple one!

Even Kasey got out and played a little volleyball! 

So cute! The kids always love Kasey! 

The start of the bike parade! 

Morgan played with Kasey and he was so cute! He got the ball over the net a few times!!

Amy and her girls

Cousins! 

Morgan going down the GIANT slip and slide 

I only took a few snaps of fireworks but here is one... 

A little trip

Ok so i'm going to blog about our summer trip in full force a little later this week but I wanted to just share a little bit of our week! Kasey and I spent the majority of the week in Portland/Vancouver area and it was amazing!!! I love it there and I can't wait until we move there in a few years! the weather was perfect, the beach was perfect {well a little windy} and everything about it was just perfect :) here are a few pictures from the trip! 

One Year!

Holy Smokes! Can you believe that when I wake up in the morning I'll have been married for ONE YEAR! Its so crazy to think of it, it feels like just last week I was planning and trying to get things done for the wedding and at the same time it feels like Kasey and I have always been together. We have grown so much over the past year, both individually and together. I am so in love with him and that love gets stronger every day. Of course we have our arguments but who doesn't?! But we always make up and sometimes we both have to bend a little but that's what makes it work so well! We have never gone to bed in a fight and I hope we never do! I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with him and raise a family together one day. He is going to be such an amazing dad! Thank you babe for being there for me always and for loving and supporting me for being me, you're the best I could have asked for!!! 

I never really did a post with our wedding pictures so here are just a few. I'll try and do another post tomorrow {after I shoot my dear friend Emilys wedding, YEP we are going to SHARE an anniversary!} 

I love this picture so much! 

Our cake was SO yummy! 

Our rings on the seat of my grandpa's Model T 

I hope Kasey makes me smile like this until the day I die! {so far so good!} 

This is one of my favorite pictures from the entire day!

Our cute little fans I made for the guest to have during the ceremony to stay cool!

I love this picture more than words can say! Kasey's dad, him, his best friend and his uncle, I know how much this picture means to Kasey and it makes me happy when I look at it! I'm so glad that Mike was able to come!

Journal...

I originally thought that I would use my blog as a journal, a way to capture my life happening {which I've kind of done} but the thing I can't do is post some of the things going through my head. I don't think even if I had a real journal I'd be able to. I have things in there that I can't get out and I feel like I need to tell someone but I don't want a single soul to know, and even if someone did know it would do me no good so whats the point? I guess I need to figure out how to stop thoughts before I can focus on them. I'm really good at focusing on things and I need to change that! Well I need to learn to only focus on things that will make me better. I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason but its hard understand why sometimes. 

I need a day off....

I've been sitting here going back from my screen to the stacks of papers on my desk to thinking about photo shoots and back to emails then paperwork and so on... I've got 3 projects I'm working on, plus my daily work, 3 photo shoots to edit a shoot tonight and 2 more this weekend and all that I can think about is going out side and taking a nap in grass with the sun shining on me. I'm frustrated with where I am in life and where I want to be. My desktop background is a picture of Kasey and I on our wedding day and I catch myself staring at it a lot wishing I could just spend my entire day with him every day. I saw him this morning and I still miss him. I'm not sure how I lasted while he was in Iraq... I went 7 months with out anything but super crappy skype calls! I want to spend everyday sleeping in with my puppy and then taking pictures until I'm blue in the face then coming home to snuggle up with Kasey on the couch and watch stupid tv shows. I think was I really need is just a few days off from work. Time to spend in my yard and cleaning my house and having dinner ready by 5. I'm counting down the days until we go on summer vacation, I can't wait to be in Oregon & Washington just hanging out and maybe looking for our dream house! I guess I'll just have to settle for it almost being the weekend! 

No words...

Right now as I type, I'm listening to someone live online from Afghanistan... I just finished listening to the President speak to the country and the world, and I'm full of mixed feelings. 

Osama Bin Laden was killed by US forces today. 

I am overcome with joy, what sweet justice for the things he's done, and the innocent people he has killed! However I am a little reserved and a lot nervous! The Taliban will not just cry and move on, they will be furious and they WILL retaliate! The things that make me nervous are 1. the fact that Kasey still has 4 years that the ARMY can call him up for deployment, 2. I have a LOT of friends in the military still that are deployed and I am so worried for their safety! I also have things going through my mind about my religion, so many things have been happening lately that are talked about in the scriptures pointing towards the second coming of Christ. This makes me a little nervous because honestly, I'm not ready! I think I will relish in the joy and justice tonight and worry about the rest when it comes! 

What an amazing day in history, Something I'll never forget!

God Bless the USA & Let FREEDOM ring!!!!

Grayson

My nephew is a stud, case and point! 

Hungry... not for food!

Ok so i'll admit... lately I've been a little um... baby hungry? I don't think thats the word really, mostly because I don't like that saying, I just find myself dreaming of having a baby, and I can't stop thinking about how cute and sweet they are and the clothes are so tiny! However, at the same time, I know that 100% I'm not ready to bring a child into this world, I can hardly keep Kasey and myself afloat right now so until we are a little more settled and on top of things then maybe... call me greedy but I'm also enjoying having just Kasey & Ashlee time! So for now this is my family.... 

Travis...

I was reminded by a friend today that it had been 15 years this week since one of our friends (her best friend) past away. It was only a couple of weeks after his birthday. I remember a lot of things from that day/week. 

I remember that there were a bunch of us neighborhood kids playing in a friends backyard, I was jumping on their trampoline when I heard the sirens, we all realized they were getting really close and everyone froze almost as if we were waiting for them to pull in to the driveway! Then they stopped. I don't remember anything else, I'm sure we all just went back to playing thinking nothing of it, I mean we were a bunch of 9 and 10 year olds! That night when I got home, my mom sat me down at the table and told me what had happened. "Travis is in the hospital" she said. I remember asking her why and she didn't say anything for a very long time and then she told me "he was walking home from the golf course today when a car jumped the curb an hit him. He isn't doing very well and if you want we can go visit him" I don't think I said anything... and if I did, it must have been no. I never went to see him and I'm not sure why I just know that now I am glad I didn't. I don't want the last sight of him to be in a hospital bed with tubes and bruises all over him, I want it to be the one I have of him laughing. I remember singing at the funeral, we sang I am a child of god.  We also sang the fourth verse that is a little harder to find it goes:

I am a child of God.

His promises are sure;

Celestial glory shall be mine

If I can but endure.

It is such an amazing song, so simple yet so powerful! I remember after we sang I was sitting in the bench and everyone was so sad and crying, and for some reason as sad as I was, I couldn't cry. I tried again at the grave site to cry and I couldn't do it, for a long time I thought that meant that I either wasn't sad, or that something was wrong with me, now I know better. I'm ok with death. Travis was a great kid, and would have grown up to be a wonderful man. I think of him a lot, which to me is strange because I wasn't that great of friends with him, we just hung out with all the friends together mostly. But I often find myself feeling guilty, guilty that I was able to grow up and have all these experiences and get married and he didn't get that... then I remember that he lives with God and I don't and it helps a little but I still feel bad that he didn't get these chances. I was reading about how one of our friends was still so mad at the girl that hit him and it really breaks my heart that she is still so upset. I guess I've never been good with the hate thing but I feel just as bad for her as I do for his family. They lost their brother, son, grandson... and she has to live with that her entire life that it's because of her that a little boy never got to grow up. Thats a hard thing to live with. I try to imagine if I had a son and his life was taken early because of an accident like this one.. would I be strong enough to trust in the Lord and forgive the person? I hope I would... I think that living with the hate would be to much for me and would tear me down to pieces. I don't think that taking revenge on the girl that caused this accident would help anyone feel better, it might at first but then you would realize that he's still not here and probably realize that she's already beat her self up more then once about what happened and that no physical harm that you could do to her could be as bad as what she's put herself through. I used to go and visit Travis, I didn't have much to say so I would just sit in silence for a moment thinking of what he might be like if he'd lived. Then I would get in my car and drive away. I feel bad that I don't visit anymore, but I still have my moments that I think of what he would be like and I think thats the important part! Keeping him in our hearts until we see him again in heaven. My hope is that his family is doing ok, that all of the friends he had can understand and be comforted by the holy spirit and let go of the anger and forgive and just remember the good things about Travis. He was obviously a very special young man for God to want him back so soon! 

No words...

Not only am I completely ashamed but also disgusted with the human race! I was reading the follow up story about the two boys in WVC that got in a fight over an Ipod that led to one boys death and I am at the very least in complete shock at the comments people are leaving. (again back to my post yesterday about people) But really, the comments today are along the lines of: 

He was begging to be killed, he should have never confronted him

This was complete self defense and the other boy deserved this

and they just went on and on... I'm sorry, I don't care who you are but at 15 you certainly do NOT deserve to be stabbed to death over an Ipod, and even still if you think it was self defense you can have remorse for the families, and yes both families because one has lost their son completely and the other will lose theirs to prison. I'm sorry but stabbing someone twice and then fleeing is not self defense, if you were worried about your safety, you were just outside of a store, go in the store and tell the manager, don't grab your knife and start stabbing people. It's so hard to judge and thankfully that's not my job, however its not hard to see why kids are acting like this, they are constantly watching killing and violence on tv, movies, the news, their video games, the music they listen too, everywhere you look there is violence. I hope I can raise my kids one day to have better tempers and not be so quick to act without thinking first! I know it will be even harder because the world it just getting worse!  My heart goes out to both of these families, and hopefully they will be able to find some sort of peace and understanding. 

oh and PS- I know it might not sound like it from my last couple of post but I am MUCH happier this week then I was last! There just has been more horrible news this week then last week! 

This weekend...

Last weekend was really good for me! I was able to watch most of the J* creative live broadcast and I learned SO much!! I am so excited to go to WPPI in February and learn even more from her and everyone else that's there! The only problem was I went around the house all weekend depressed realizing what I want, and how close I am and yet how far away I actually am from my goals! But I was truly inspired and there is nothing that can change that, THANKFULLY!  I've got to stop hiding behind my fears, and just ask questions and learn, and fail so that I can do better the next time!

On a side note, this weekend is going to be great as well, Kasey and I are going to Vegas for a night to just get away :) mom is babysitting Sophie and it will be nice to sleep in with out taking a potty break at 6:30 with my dog who gets distracted and ends up finding a stick to play with and then 20 mins later we finally make it back into the house! Thankfully I take my blanket and Kasey has one of our camp chairs set up and I just hang out until she's done!