Once a month...

I blog, well sometimes more than that! I keep telling my self I need to blog and then I realize the only things I want to talk about are probably really boring to everyone else and so I don't say anything. I've always thought that I must be a really annoying person. I talk A LOT and I'm loud. I do listen really well but if no one else is talking I will, and I LOVE to chat with people... so therefore I must be annoying right? I catch myself randomly stopping a conversation or leaving a room because I realize that I'm annoying myself so I must be annoying everyone else around me as well. It's weird I know.. but just something I've always felt. Anyways... Kasey is coming home in 10 1/2 days and I can't wait!! We are going to spend Christmas morning with his family at his Grandmas house and then that afternoon we are getting in the car and driving to California to spend Christmas night and the day after with all of my family! Its going to be wonderful! I'm sure he's going to want to die because I plan on playing Christmas carols most of the way there even though he thinks they are 'annoying' maybe he just hasn't heard the right ones?
On a totally different note, the last few months I've been really down on my 'photography skills' if you can call them that. I look at what I want to be and where I want my level of skill to be, and I am no where close, not even with in reach and its so frustrating. I am sadly envyious (even though I know I shouldn't be) of stay at home moms or similar people that don't have to work a 8-5 job everyday just to pay the bills and can go take pictures whenever they want of whatever they choose and improve their skills to perfection. I sit in an office all day and when I get done I'm so tired from the day of stress I just want to relax, and worse in the winter by the time I leave work its to dark to take pictures or to cold! I think all the time 'if I didn't have to work I could take pictures all day long...' or 'well its no wonder they are getting so much better than they used to be, thats all they do is take pictures whenever they want. They don't have to work all day' these are REALLY bad thoughts, they are just excuses for me to.. more or less lack in skill. This is a double sided blade, because the more I think my skills are failing the less motivated I am to take pictures, then I get 'lazy' I don't want to set up the shots, I only want to take pictures of certain things, I don't want to use a tripod even if I should and I most certainly do NOT want to set my lighting and shutter speeds etc. so instead I turn the camera to Auto and go from there. The problem with that is then I have to edit my photos :( which I am not a huge fan of having to do major edits! I prefer to set up my shots and have just minor adjustments to make. So since I'm getting married and I have been looking for a photographer to shoot my wedding day pictures and although it is YES 100% one of the most difficult decisions that I think I will ever have to make in my life, it has also been a HUUUUUGE eye opener that even though I may not be at the level which I would like to be, I am good at what I do, and I do have a talent and I am not the worst photographer in the world like I have been thinking lately. Better yet I just need to find my passion again, and more so my confidence! I just am in complete shock at what some people will call 'Professional Photography' I'm sorry but having a really nice camera and taking a few pictures with it does NOT make you a Professional, nor does really weird edits that you think are 'cool' in photoshop. One of the things I learned while studying photography at the Y is that no matter how long you've been taking pictures and how much you 'know' things are always changing and you can always learn more. So after the holidays I've got a few classes I'm going to take from different photogs to help me find my 'passion' again.... that's the goal anyway!

Today I will FINALLY blog :)

So, its been awhile since I've done a REAL blog post... lets catch up shall we?? Today makes my 1 week of being engaged! Crazy huh!?! Ya tell me about! I'm SO SO SO excited! I'll get to that story in a minute but first, I had a friend ask about how Kasey and I actually got together and I told her I'd blog it... which I've failed to do until NOW! YAY for me remembering to do something :) (oh and I'm feeling like a narrator from a really bad movie today just as a heads up) anyways Kasey and I started dating back in February but our story does not begin there, lets go back in time to 1997... It was a time for awkward phases, weird teeth (for my age anyway) and finally starting to get some good fashion back after the awful setback the nation had in the 80's and early 90's. This was my 8th grade year of Jr High School. I was a Falcon and I had more confidence that I should have. Finally not being a lowly 7th grader I thought I had it made! I was loving my friends, my teacher and ya even my classes. I was never a nerd but I always did enjoy school, I think mostly for the social scene but either way I normally was excited to go back to school because by the end of summer I was pretty bored no matter how much I had done. Anyways on to the interesting stuff! I was a semi drama geek and had class after lunch so I was normally there a little early. That's where I first saw him. The 'bad boy' that stole my heart. His name.. Kasey Michael Fackrell. Plain and simple I had one of the biggest crushes of my life! Thankfully I was quite the outgoing kid (even though now I'm kind of shy sometimes) I went right up and talked to him and from then on I was 'in love' well as much as I could be at 13. Nothing more than a friendship ever developed though, and I was stuck day dreaming about what it would be like if we 'dated' I tried everything I could to woo him and nothing worked. I guess I was just to much of a goodie for him, that or it could have been my REALLY bad hair cut! I was pretty cunning though and was able to get a picture of him

Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever seen?? Anyways... I remember seeing him at the end of that year at 7 peaks when all the 8th and 7th graders got to go for school, and he was with this girl, (that I was friends with) and I was SO upset!! I told my best friend and we talked about how stupid it was, and even though he did come and give me a hug in his swim shorts... (and yes I still remember the hug, he was soaking wet from the water slide and I was dry and afterward my front side was dripping....)I wanted more than a hug... My 8th grade year ended with me putting little pink hearts around his picture in the yearbook and dealing with reality. I watched him date this girl in high school and yes I was still jealous, WHY did he have to keep dating people I was friends with and not me?!? Please keep in mind I did not sit around and mope about him my whole life. I did date other boys and had a great time in school I met 'the one' twice. One of which I'm sure you're all very aware of and who is still one of my closest friends. Kasey left Orem High and went else where and all I knew at the time was he wasn't coming to school anymore. I was so sad, but we kept in touch mostly over the phone and email, but he was always someone that I made an effort to talk to. I got engaged and Kasey joined the ARMY so we didn't really talk much. I did send him a few emails via myspace and when he came home to visit I made sure to call him and see him. I remember one time when Ty and I were on a 'break' and Kasey was in town, as I was leaving my apartment I was thinking... "ok Ashlee this is it, you're going to kiss him tonight" but when I saw him I couldn't do it. The timing was SO off... Kasey was home for his Grandpa's funeral and Kasey and his grandpa were best friends, and he was in no mood for kissing, and when I saw how devastated he was, I wasn't either. So it was ice cream and a hug! He went back to KS and I went back to Tyler. I got a call from him one day telling me he was getting deployed to Iraq in the fall but that he would be home for a few days before and we were going to hang out I was SO excited! Until I got another call that he was going to stand me up because him and his buddies were going to Vegas instead! But as things happened he was shipped off to Iraq and I was coming to an end with Tyler (which is a ENTIRE story of its own) I still sent him emails and we talked. I got his APO and was getting a package ready to send to him, at the same time I finally added him to my Yahoo messenger contact list in the beginning of January and we started talking every single day online. The timing was actually perfect, he would be getting ready for bed and I was at work so we were able to chat for a few hours every day. It was pure heaven! I instantly fell back in love with him and it was just our luck that he was coming home for his mid-tour leave in February. Everything was perfect and we decided to become a couple. Everyone thought I was crazy for wanting to exclusively date someone that was in Iraq, but I knew that it wouldn't matter if he were here or 7000 miles away my feelings for him would not change so what was the point of pretending and going on meaningless dates? I'm not going to say having him in Iraq was easy because it wasn't, I had breakdowns ALL of the time and Kasey was there for me, he put up with my mood swings, my tears, my screaming... all of it, and he never complained... he just told me he loved me! I think that brings us almost up to date! (if not you can read my previous posts about him to catch yourself up) October 3rd was the best day of my life (so far) Kasey was home from Iraq and Annie and I had driven out to welcome him home! It was our first kiss our first hug our first time holding hands and gazing into each others eyes all over again. It had been almost 8 months since we'd last seen each other or kissed each other, it felt new again and it was finally our turn to be happy. Last Thursday I took the day off work to spend some time with him since he was only in town for a couple of weeks and had to leave on Sunday. We went to lunch with some of my friends and then decided to head up to Wendover for a day trip to get some cash since he had gone on Tuesday and didn't do so well, he wanted to make some money back. Kasey must know me pretty well because as we were driving he asked me if I wanted to write my name in the salt flats with rocks. (If you've never seen the salt flats in real life you will have NO CLUE why he would ask this but see the picture below and then visit the flats!) Anyways of course I wanted to, I thought that was the coolest thing ever and I've always wanted to stop but never have. But he kept driving and when I asked him about it he said he just wanted to find a place with alot of rocks, we finally pulled over and got out, Kasey had been driving so I made it to out of the car first and when I looked at the salt there were already words written in the sand that said 'Marry Me' I turned around to tell him (and half thinking what a weird coincidence) but when I turned around there he was with my ring! Shock went through me because I thought for sure he was going to ask me at new years I walked over to him and the little opened box and honestly I don't remember what I said... it was either Yes or Of Course but you'd have to ask him! I was shaking even though he thinks I was just cold. We kissed and then he put the perfect ring on my finger and we kissed again :) We still went to Wendover and hung out for a few hours, I called and text everyone I could think of let them know and that was that. It was perfect! So now it's on to planning the big day..... :)

PS- Sorry for the extremely long post!

I totally stole this of Emilys Blog :)

((60 RANDOM QUESTIONS))

1. WHAT IS IN THE BACK SEAT OF YOUR CAR RIGHT NOW?
A fog machine and some of Morgans candy wrappers

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WENT OUT TO DINNER?
Last week

3. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD OR PHRASE?
lame

4. NAME 3 PEOPLE WHO MADE YOU SMILE TODAY?
Kasey, My cousins little boy, and a lady at my work

5. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT 8AM THIS MORNING?
Sitting at work :(

6. WHAT WERE YOU DOING 30 MINUTES AGO?
Invoices

7. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A STRIP CLUB?
No

8.WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUT LOUD?
Have a good day.

9. WHAT IS THE BEST ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Chocolate for sure!

10. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK?
Lemonade

11. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?
Jeans and a sweater

12. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A chicken sandwich

13. HAVE YOU BOUGHT ANY NEW CLOTHING ITEMS THIS WEEK?
I got some new jeans and a super cute new bra over the weekend...

14. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU RAN?
yesterday for about 1 min to catch up to someone :) does that count?

15. WHAT IS THE LAST SPORTING EVENT YOU WATCHED?
Football yesterday

16. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Iceland!!

17. EVER GO CAMPING?
All the time

18. DO YOU GO TANNING?
In the spring and summer ya but it doesn't help

19. HAVE YOU EVER LOST ANYTHING DOWN THE TOILET?
gross, NO

20. WHAT IS YOUR GUILTY PLEASURE?
Hmm... not sure I want to tell you that ;)

21. DO YOU DRINK YOU SODA FROM A STRAW?
If its a fountain soda then yes... but I'm not drinking soda anymore so...

22. WHAT DID YOUR LAST TEXT SAY?
ya

23. ARE YOU SOMEONES BEST FRIEND?
I hope so!

24. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TOMORROW?
Working

25. ARE YOU IN LOVE?
100%

26. LOOK TO YOUR LEFT, WHAT DO YOU SEE?
Time Cards

27. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR WATCH?
Silver

28. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU THINK "AUSTRALIA"?
All the things that can kill you there!

29. LIKE ROLLER COASTERS?
They are probably one of my most favorite things!

30. BIRTHSTONE?
An Opal

31. DO YOU GO IN TO EAT AT FAST FOOD PLACES OR GO TO THE DRIVE UP?
Depends on my mood and time frame.

32. DO YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK, THAT YOU ACTUALLY HATE?
Ya.. NO

33. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Cesar (a guy at work)

34. ANY PLANS TODAY?
Hanging out with Kasey

35. WHERE ARE YOU AT RIGHT NOW?
At work.. where else would I be in the middle of the day?

36. BIGGEST ANNOYANCE IN LIFE RIGHT NOW?
Not living in the same state as Kasey :(

37. LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?
Lady Gaga's Paparazzi

38. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
The 4th Kind

39. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING?
Nickel

40. FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES?
I have a few.

41. ARE YOU JEALOUS OF ANYONE?
At the moment no, but I do get jealous and it SUCKS!

42. ARE YOU MARRIED?
No

43. IS ANYONE JEALOUS OF YOU?
I doubt it

44. WHAT TIME IS IT?
14:52

45. DO ANY OF YOUR FRIENDS HAVE CHILDREN?
Yes most of them do

46. DO YOU EAT HEALTHY?
I try..

47. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO DURING THE DAY?
Work

48. ANY VACATIONS PLANNED?
Cali in December for my Gpas 80th birthday party!

49. DO YOU USE THE WORD "HELLO" DAILY?
Yes.

50. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
2

51. HOW OLD WILL YOU BE TURNING ON YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY?
25

52. FAVORITE BOY AND GIRL NAMES?
I can't tell you cus then you might steal them lol

53. FAVORITE COLOR?
Green

54. WHERE WERE YOU AT THE LAST TIME YOU KISSED SOMEONE?
Kaseys house

55. FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT?
depends on my mood... I don't really have a favorite

56. ALL TIME FAVORITE MOVIE?
I love alot of movies!!!

57. COLOR OF INK YOU PREFER?
Navy Blue or Black unless I'm on IM then its normally pink or purlple or some rainbow effect :)

58. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Either a national geographic photograper or i'd love to own my own bakery!

59. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW?
With Kasey...

Halloween...

I feel like I should be writing something about last Saturday, and posting really awesome Halloween pictures (since it is one of the best times for ridiculously awesome pictures) but I don't have any... Here is how my Halloween went down. Woke up around 10am in Kansas City MO went to breakfast at the Cracker Barrel, drove to Fort Riley KS, cleaned Kasey's room and had some pizza for dinner with Fackrell and Scronce, watched Ghost Hunters while Kasey took a nap, waited very impatiently for 12am so Kasey could get released, spent an hour watching Kasey do paperwork and then at 1am on November 1st we got in the car and started our 15 hour long drive to come home!! Kasey did most of the driving but I did help out a little! I'm so glad to have him home for a couple of weeks! I wish he could stay forever but instead Uncle Sam will be stealing him back on the 14th :( hope you all have a MUCH more eventful October 31st than me!

Wedding Dress for SALE!!!

I'm selling my BEAUTIFUL wedding dress. It was only worn once for bridal pictures. If you or anyone you know is interested please contact me!!! Its a size 10 temple ready gown, faux button up back with zipper, flattering square neck line, short sleeves, full train with button up bussel, tulle overlay, beautiful bead work, and a stunning A line style!! Asking price is $225.00 or best offer, if you want more info or would like to try it on please email me at photobyashlee@yahoo.com

Better than me

Kasey is SO much better than I am! I have major trust issues, and its not his fault.. its just been the last 10 years of mine. It really stems back to high school, I was 'so in love' with the guy I was dating and everyone really thought we would get married. He even gave me a 'promise ring' and we were perfect. That is until we were in the parking lot going into a high school dance, I was all dolled up and he was looking pretty good if I remember correctly. I was about to open my door and he grabbed my hand and said "I don't think this is working out" I couldn't breath I couldn't believe what he had just said so of course I asked for clarification "what do you mean?" and with his emotionless face I will never forget the next words that came out of his mouth.

"I can't date you... What if something better comes along?"

those words have ruined every relationship I have been in since! I don't blame him, he was just a young stupid high school boy that didn't know better and even though we've stayed friends and he's told me that was the biggest mistake of his life, I've always known that I was just the filler for anyone that I've dated while they were waiting to find something better. It doesn't help that my only two serious bf's after that both cheated on me and then left for their 'something better'

Kasey deserves the very best because that's what he is! He is the most amazing person. I am trying SO hard to forget my past and move on, and even more so today! I hardly ever fight with Kasey, lol its kind of hard to fight with someone you never see :) but yesterday I was super depressed for who knows what reason, and I just wanted to talk to him on skype but he had his friends in his room so he said get on yahoo (at this moment my mind FREAKS) I didn't want to talk to him on yahoo, wasn't that the point of him coming home was now we had real ways to talk, like skype and the cell? My mind started going crazy asking why would he only want to talk to me on yahoo?? Is there someone in the room he doesn't want me to see? He has been acting 'busy' all day... I wonder who he is really with and what he is really doing? I've been told it all 'i love you why would you think I'm cheating on you' and 'I'm just hanging out with the guys' and 'your acting crazy' or even 'I'm busy working i can't talk to you right now' and its all been lies because they were with 'her' So I being the crazy emotional mess of a person I am, I say something about it (even though I'm 99.9% sure that its all just being made up in my head) then the arguments began... and I totally agree with him (today) He has NEVER given me a reason to doubt his honestly or faithfulness and we have been though ALOT of crap together! Its funny how much you can go through with someone when they are 7000 miles away! I think he said it best when he pointed out that 'shit happens' I just need to realize that he is different. Kasey is like a fairytale I never thought I would have. He says the things you only hear in movies and he treats me like the most important thing in the world, I guess to him... I am. Which I still have a hard time with, because of other things that have happened in my life (which are still to personal to blog to the world about) When I saw him in KS for the first time in 7 months I was shaking I was so excited! I was talking to Annie and she was telling me how cute we are together and how sweet he is on me (lol totally a 50's phrase) and I asked her why and she said because the second he saw me his face light up and he started walking as fast as he could to get to me. Which I was oblivious to at the time because I was so excited to see him all i could worry about was trying not to cry or pass out! I love that he gets SUPER angry when I wont kiss him in public because he 'doesn't care who sees it, he wants everyone in the world to know he loves me' I love how he stares at me in the car because he 'thinks I'm so pretty' (I keep telling him I'm taking him to the eye doctor for that!) and I absolutely LOVE when he puts his hand on my cheek and then moves it back to my neck and then pulls me in for a kiss... and the way he rolls his eyes at me every time I have to stop in the baby clothes section of any store because the clothes are just to freaking cute to not look at! Anyways... I just keep praying that he never realizes how much better he is than me and how he deserves so much more than me and moves on to his 'something better'

Day One... plus my life

So yesterday was the first day of my 'starvation' if you will :) I didn't find myself wanting to eat because I was hungry, more because everyone else around me was eating! We had a meeting first thing in the morning and all my co-workers were chowing down on candy the whole time and kept asking if I wanted some, not only did I decline because I had to but also because it was 9:30am and I didn't really want any, but at that moment I realized that I am a social eater. I probably have gained 30+ lbs simple from eating just because everyone else is eating! The only other thing I had a hard time with yesterday was being cold and REALLY wanting some hot cocoa, and it was my nephews birthday so I sang and then watched everyone else chow down on cake lol. I guess there are worse things in life right? I was extremely excited when I got on the scale today and I had lost 2.4 lbs!! That was enough motivation to get me through today (so far) I figure at this rate I should be around 20-30lbs lighter by the end of the month, which is absolutely insane! I'm going for the 30 that way if I gain a few back I wont be AS sad about it! This 2 liters of water a day is also a struggle, not so much the drinking it part, but the having to go pee every 20 mins super sucks! My boss probably thinks I'm crazy! I didn't tell anyone at work partly because they are all boys and partly because I'm still the new girl and I don't know them very well so its kind of out of place for me to announce that I will be on a VERY strict diet for the next month. Good thing I'll be driving for 15 hours on Halloween and wont be sitting there munching on candy waiting for trick or treaters :) Speaking of that drive I think that is the only thing that keeps me going these days, is the count down until I see Kasey again. I never knew it could be like this. Its so awful! I thought I would be just fine, but honestly I feel bad for any one that has to be around me! I snap at everything and I just want to sit around and not do anything. I find myself thinking what is the point of doing anything if he's not doing it with me? I think that's a good and bad thing! Good that I'm that in love with him that I just want to be with him all of the time but bad because he is almost becoming my addiction. I'm hoping that I'm only addicted because I hardly get to see him. I guess its like chocolate ice cream... I ALWAYS want chocolate ice cream but I hardly ever actually go and get it, so for weeks I'll be craving it and then as soon as its gone I start wanting it again because I know I wont actually get more for a month or so, and if someone asks me if I want vanilla I say no because I don't want to waste my ice cream joys on plain ol vanilla... WOW I can't believe I just compared my bf to ice cream lol... Things are going good though, I'm excited about losing weight, I'm counting down the days until this diet is over so that I can really work out again, and in 15 days I will be getting on a tiny little plane flying to KS to see Kasey, and this time not for 2 days but for 2 weeks!!! I can't hardly wait! He really is the best thing that's happened to me in a REALLY long time and I am so lucky to have someone that loves me so much and treats me so well! AND to top it all off he still puts up with all my crap! He is still going to heaven for that, I don't think I've met anyone so patient in my life!

When I grow up...

I always wanted to be a writer... I've just never been that good :) I figure it's just like anything else right? You just need to practice to become better! So I'm going to join an Article Directory and start writting! Maybe then I'll update my blog more too!!

I am a follower...

Do you ever look at a picture that someone took of you and think "when the hell did that happen?" I've been feeling that way for some time now! When I'm not looking in the mirror or at a recent picture of myself I feel pretty, I think I am pretty but... I also think I still look like I did 5 years ago, back before I put on 50lbs. Now I'm not one of those typical girls that is afraid to say my weight... I am 185lbs. I got on the scale yesterday morning... the morning that I started my 'diet' if you can call it that. I have never been one to 'follow the crowd' so to say, but a few weeks ago I decided that I was SO sick of the way I feel when I look at a picture of myself that I didn't care what I had to do I was getting rid of this extra FAT and I was going to do it fast! I for the first time in my life have become a follower of a 'fad' if you will. I am doing the HCG diet. Not those awful shots though, I'm doing HCG drops, they are the same thing though, I just wont look like I shoot up in my free time! I have a feeling this will be the hardest next few weeks of my life! Not so much because I have an over eating problem and now I'll hardly be eating anything, I think more because I eat out of habit, so having to pay attention to WHEN I'm eating for the first time in my life is going to be a little tricky! If I could change just one thing in my life, it would be that I would have never quit dancing. I used to be so active all the time that I could eat whatever and whenever I wanted and never gain an ounce let alone a whole pound! But when I went to collage I dropped down to 2 dance classes and after a few semesters I wasn't even taking those and BOOM between no physical activity in my life and my wedding getting called off and me being a comfort eater... well I don't think I need to tell you what happened, I mean if you've seen me then you know!! Now I know I'm not 700lbs or anything but most of the time I feel that way, I HATE getting my picture taken because when I see the image I hardly even know who the person in the picture is and I'm embarrassed and I want to lock myself away and just cry and never eat again. Instead I do the opposite, I call a friend and go to lunch or dinner or out for ice cream. Five years ago I was a wearing a very baggy size 3 juniors pant and today I have to jump into a woman's 10/12 and pray they stretch out before I get to work! So its not so much that I'm SO HUGE its just that what I'm used to being and what I think I am... well compared to that I am HUGE. I don't want to be a size 3 I would look sickly but I wouldn't mind being a size 6 and I am sick of telling everyone I'm going to do it and then losing 5-10lbs and stopping and then gaining it back! And I am going to start bringing my gym bag with me to work so I can go straight to the gym everyday for an hour and work out! I don't want to be a skin saggin skinny person, I want to be a toned person, like the person I used to be! I want my 4 pack abs back and I want to walk down the street and turn heads again. I know that sounds so shallow but I just want to feel pretty again and not hate the way I look, and tell my friends I'm busy or I don't feel good when really I just don't want to go out in public because of the way I look.

Anyways... So tomorrow by this time I might be a little hungry but in 2 weeks when I get back on that scale and it says 170 I wont even be able to remember that I was hungry! And first things first, as soon as I drop this extra 40-50lbs I'm getting a BRAND NEW drivers licence picture taken :) Wish me luck!! I'm going to need it!

HE'S HOME!!!!

Ok yes I know that I am WAAAAY behind on blogging!! Funny thing is that I have the time and sometimes at work I think 'hmm what should I do for the next 20 mins' and yet I never remember to blog... SORRY! Anyways 2 things real fast,

First: KASEY IS HOME FROM IRAQ!!!! I love him so much and I am so glad to have him in the same country even though he is stationed out at Ft Riley until May :( but he is amazing and it was SO good to see him even if it was only for a few hours before I had to come home!

Second: how wonderful is by boyfriend?? So wonderful that he is driving right now as we speak.. (ok well as I type) and will be here in 2 hours!!! He is coming home for the weekend for my birthday!!! Yes today is by bday and its never been a huge deal to me but I would have to say that I am getting the BEST gift this year! Kasey is home from Iraq and coming to spend the weekend with me! What could be better?? I don't think anything :)

PS- I promise next week to update you on every detail of my life (well not really EVERY detail) but enough that you'll feel like we have known each other forever and we are best friends lol. Until then everyone have a FABULOUS weekend, I know I will!!!

Should have been posted Friday...

Well it’s been a full week here at the new job and I’m still loving it! I am a little excited to get out of here today though J since I’m the only one here and I’ve been done with my work already for about an hour! Annie and I are going to Old Navy because everything is on sale and I just got paid!! Oh and I need to get something AWESOME to wear when I see Kasey! Speaking of… sadly I’m not going to Kansas in 4 days L they got pushed back a week so now I am leaving on the 29th after work and driving through the night so that I can be there when he gets home! I can’t wait for him to be in the same country as me!! And for him to actually have a phone so I can call him and not just talk to him through IMs! I think that instant messaging creates more fights than it’s worth! Sometimes I wish it didn’t even exist because it just makes things harder, but then I think about it and I’m actually really glad that I have it! I’ve only asked Kasey for one letter the whole time he’s been gone and I still don’t have it so… if that were the only way for him to talk to me I’m pretty sure I’d never hear from him! It’s so surreal that in less than 2 weeks I’ll be with him again! I mean next weekend I’ll be packing up all my stuff so that I’m ready to leave right after work on Tuesday! I’ve gotten so used to him being gone that I’ve started to think this is how it will always be, us always so far apart and me lonely and miserable but now that’s all changing and he’s coming back!! I was talking with a friend today and I felt so guilty when she asked me why I was going to Kansas and I told her that my soldier was finally coming home. It was hard to say it without excitement, but I was trying to hide it as best I could… see her soldier never made it home. He was killed in action in 2005 in Afghanistan. Every time I think of how Kasey is finally coming home all I can think of is all the hero’s that didn’t make it back, and then I feel guilty for being so happy. How selfish am I? Anyway… I’ll check back in next week after I go get all of Kasey’s STUFF from his grandmas house that he wants me to take to him! I’m sure I’ll have stories to tell after I go through all 67 packages! Until then I’ll be ears deep in photos to edit oh and another photo shoot tomorrow! Gotta get caught up before I leave!! 4 shoots in a week is do-able right?? Lol riiight… uh I guess I’ll just be working off fumes and mt dew.

...

I realized two things today...

1. It doesn't matter how many times I watch Steal Magnolias I will always cry

and

2. No matter how often I clean my room will always be a mess until I'm not trying to fit a family room, bedroom and office all in one little space!

Playlist

So since Kasey has been gone there has been a few songs that make life a little... well not better but I like to listen to them, reminds me I'll be with him again soon!! Heres my top songs... (in case your missing someone no matter how long they've been gone maybe this will help?)

1. Far Away - Nickelback

2. Here without you - 3 Doors Down

3. Sleeping to dream - Jason Mraz

4. Broken - Lifehouse

5. Come home soon - SheDaisy

6. Your Call - Secondhand Serendade

7. Your the man - Jessica Andrews

8. You are the one - Elliott Yamin

9. I miss you - Blink 182

10. When your gone - Avril Lavigne

Plus so many others... Kasey always tells me to listen to this song called 'Ashley' but I can't remember who sings it.. Its kind of weird to have a song with your name in it! Anyways... this better be the last time that I have to say only 10 days until Kasey is home from Iraq! I'm praying for NO MORE push backs!!!

two weeks!!

That means only 14 DAYS until Kasey is home from Iraq hopefully FOREVER!! Can we say...

EXCITED???

mmm... in 14 days i'll be doing this...

I know I know... TMI but I don't care :)

Orderville Preview :)

Here are a few picturs from our trip to Zions over Labor Day weekend!!

New things...

Sometimes a girl just needs a couple new things to make her feel better about her self right?? Well sadly i'm no stranger to this... So yesterday I was feeling a little down and so I got my self a pair of these

and I also got something not so typical of a shopping spree... lol but this is what makes me happy!

I just love baking!!!

Today my favorite number is 36

And tomorrow it will be 35, then 34 and so on.. Why? You ask is my favorite number decreasing everyday by one number... because that is my countdown until KASEY COMES HOME!!! Dating someone in the military is not the hard part, being away from someone you love and not knowing if they are ok for this long is killing me!! We talk every few days (which used to be everyday and now its not) and I'm sure he's fine but the stress is enough to make anyone go crazy! I know that when he comes back he'll be in the 'post deployment mode' aka the most frustrating person in the world, but I don't care, I'll take it! I'll even take the fact that he's not really coming home to me yet... He'll still be at Ft Riley until the spring which means that I'll be driving 1000 miles over to Kansas to see him in 36 DAYS! He MUST mean alot to me if i'm going to drive through the entire state of Kansas just to see him for 4 days! hmmm i can't wait to just be us again! I love you babe and I can't wait to see you!

I judged a 'Gentile'

So today I was having a discussion with a friend that I tried to explain was not really something you should talk about over an Instant Message, since you can't tell someones tone of voice, or meaning behind the words but he insisted so I had the conversation anyways. Lets see... last time I checked I had the right to have my own opinions about religion, am I right?? OK so I made a joke about being a 'good boy' in the Church, this is the reaction I got back..
"so only good people are in the church, and so everyone else is bad? you Mormons"
um... oh you thought I meant you aren't a good boy because you don't go to church, No actually that was a joke, hence the sarcasm and the reason I didn't want to have this conversation on IM after I explained this to him he came back with
" i am more spiritual than most Mormons i know
i pray, meditate, and do charity work far beyond 99% of Mormons i know
sorry i don't mean to harp on you, i just though you were much better and more intelligent than to make rash generalizations and assumptions about the "gentiles" "
I was so frustrated that he would not even try to think that maybe I really wasn't trying to judge him and I simply made a joke that I finally apologized that I was sorry that he took my joke as a judgement but I didn't mean to offend him by it. And then I got off line. Well I guess I'm just the same as the rest of the damn Mormons going around judging every one and hating on people cus they don't believe the same things I do. Hmm... but I think by his comment of "you Mormons" would make him the one making judgements and not me... am I right??

there is my vent session for the day... coming later the cute little centipede that I found at work today :)

I love stats!

Ok so as most of you probably know about me already, I'm a total sucker for 'stat' stories on Yahoo, lol so today one of the top stories was about the best and worst airports in the USA, I feel a sense of pride to be able to say that my own SLC is THE BEST airport in the US!!! :) I Just love Utah, no matter what anyone else says about it, I think its such a beautiful place! And really since when is it a bad thing to live somewhere thats safe?? Anyway here is the 5 five best and worst airports and the link if you care!

America's Top Five Best Airports 2009

1. Salt Lake City (SLC)

2. Portland (PDX)

3. (Tie) Washington, D.C. (DCA)

3. (Tie) Minneapolis St. Paul (MSP)

5. (Tie) Los Angeles (LAX)

5. (Tie) San Diego (SAN)

5. (Tie) Tampa (TPA)

America's Top Five Worst Airports 2009

1. Newark (EWR)

2. Chicago (ORD)

3. Miami (MIA)

4. (Tie) Dallas Ft. Worth (DFW)

4. (Tie) New York (LGA)

4. (Tie) New York (JFK)

http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-29376377

in a nutshell...

This is something that my darling boyfriend posted on his facebook and said 'this is me in a nutshell' should I be worried??

"An Infantryman is a Soldier all his life even if only for a few years of that life. He is a magical creature. You can kick him out of your house but not out of your heart. You can take him off your mailing list but not off your mind. Soldiers are found everywhere... in love...in battle... in lust... in trouble...in debt...in bars and ... behind them.

No one can write so seldom and yet think so much of you. No one else can get so much enjoyment out of a letter or clean clothes or a six pack.

An infantryman is a genius with a deck of cards. A millionaire without a cent and brave without a grain of sense. HE IS THE PROTECTOR OF AMERICA! When he wants something, it's usually 30 days leave, music that hurts the ears, a five dollar bill...or a woman he can count on.

Girls love them, mothers tolerate them, fathers brag about them, the government pays them, the police watch out for them and somehow they all work together. You can beat their bodies, but not their minds. You can tame their hearts, but not their souls. He likes girls, chow, females,dip, women,alcohol, ladies, did I say alcohol?, and the opposite sex.

Infantrymen dislike small checks, working weekends, answering letters, waking up, maintaining a uniform, and the day before payday. You may as well give in. An Infantryman is your long distance lover... they are your steely-eyed, warm-smiling, blank-minded, hyper-active, over-reacting, curious, passionate, talented, spontaneous, physically fit, good for nothing bundle of worry....."

This is my ' hyper-active, good for nothin bundle of worry' that I love!!

hmm...

Should I be worried if none of my friends ever want to hang out... is there something wrong with me or am I just annoying?? Maybe just paranoid :(

Rules for my son...

I have found one of my new favorite blogs and its called 'A Soldiers Perspective' he has great insight and I mostly agree with everything he says. I was reading on his blog today and saw a website that he had made a post about and it I couldn't help but to read it, and I LOVED it so I wanted to also share the link and here it is...

1001 Rules for my unborn son

The loss of a dear friend...

Let me start by saying, NO nobody died! Even though it would probably be an easier situation if they had. Death is final for those left behind, this however is very different! A friend is someone that always brings you up (or at least tries) they don't stab you in the back, they get excited with you and always want the best for you! They don't lie to you or try to make you feel stupid to impress someone else and they are ALWAYS there for you! So what do you do when someone that used to be your friend has become 100% opposite from all of those things? I've tried so many times to ignore the stupid things that have been said or done but its to the point where being friends with this person is not really worth my time anymore, which is really sad to me! The hard part is what to do... I refuse to lower my standards of friendship to act the same way as this person, don't get me wrong, I've thought of all the cold hearted bitchy things I could do to maybe 'open thier eyes' but thats not reall who I am, so.. Do I erase this person from my life and get rid of any and all of the pictures and memories or do I just move on and keep the image that we are still friends? I guess I'll just try to do the mature thing... whatever that is.

Memorial Day

Its nice to live in a place where you can drive 20 miles and then hike 5 and feel like your in a completely different place! I spent Monday morning hiking, its nice to get away and be by yourself in the middle of the outdoors sometimes so you can clear your brain and think! I love the outdoors and I was so grateful to be able to enjoy them over the holiday weekend! I've got WAY more pictures but I haven't even had the chance to look at them yet, so I'll have to post them later!

Utah Drivers...

So I found this AWESOME article today about the worst drivers in the USA and guess what Utah is NOT one of them! So there!! I finally have something to back up my claims that when you venture out of Utah the drivers normally get worse. I know that there are those people that will always say 'NO Utah drivers are the worst' just because the are stubborn or don't know better, either way here is the proof!

State Rankings

Note: Many states tied for the same position in the rankings. Rankings are from best to worst.

1	IDAHO
1	WISCONSIN
3	MONTANA
4	KANSAS
5	SOUTH DAKOTA
5	NEBRASKA
7	UTAH
8	WYOMING
8	IOWA
8	OREGON
8	MINNESOTA
12	ALASKA
12	NORTH DAKOTA
14	VERMONT
15	COLORADO
15	MISSOURI
17	OKLAHOMA
17	WASHINGTON
19	NEW MEXICO
20	NORTH CAROLINA
21	VIRGINIA
22	INDIANA
22	MICHIGAN
24	ARKANSAS
24	TEXAS
26	ALABAMA
26	NEVADA
28	WEST VIRGINIA
29	ILLINOIS
30	ARIZONA
31	MAINE
32	DELAWARE
33	NEW HAMPSHIRE
34	OHIO
35	KENTUCKY
36	PENNSYLVANIA
37	LOUISIANA
38	TENNESSEE
38	MISSISSIPPI
40	SOUTH CAROLINA
40	MARYLAND
42	CONNECTICUT
43	FLORIDA
44	DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
45	MASSACHUSETTS
46	RHODE ISLAND
47	GEORGIA
48	CALIFORNIA
49	HAWAII
50	NEW JERSEY
51	NEW YORK-worst

Things I love...

Here are a bunch of pictures that describe some of the things that I love! (in no particular order)

Scuba Diving

Smores

Singing

Photography

Reading only this saga and really just this book!

Music

the USA!!

beautiful landscapes

Camping

The ARMY (and all the other armed forces.. I'm just partial to the ARMY)

Still want him?

Whether you are an Obama fan, or not, EVERYONE IN THE U.S. Needs to know....

Something happened... H.R. 1388 was passed yesterday, behind our backs. You may want to read about it. It wasn't mentioned on the news... Just went by on the Ticker tape at the bottom of the CNN screen.



Obama funds $20M in tax payer dollars to immigrate Hamas Refugees to the USA.

This is the news that didn't make the headlines...



By executive order, President Barack Obama has ordered The expenditure of $20.3 Million in "migration assistance" to the Palestinian Refugees and "conflict victims" in Gaza.



The "presidential determination", which allows hundreds of thousands of Palestinians with ties to Hamas to resettle in the United States, was signed on January 27 and appeared in the Federal Register on February 4.



Few on Capitol Hill, or in the media, took note that the Order provides a free ticket replete with housing and Food allowances to individuals who have displayed their overwhelming support to the Islamic Resistance Movement (Hamas)

In the parliamentary election of January 2006.



Let's review...itemized list of some of Barack Obama's Most recent actions since his inauguration:



His first call to any head of state, as president, was to Mahmoud Abbas, leader Of Fatah party in the Palestinian territory.



His first one-on-one television interview with any news Organization was with Al Arabia television.



His first executive order was to fund/facilitate Abortion's not just here within the U. S. but within the world, using U. S. Tax payer funds.



He ordered Guantanamo Bay closed and all military Trials of detainees halted.



He ordered overseas CIA interrogation centers closed.



He withdrew all charges against the masterminds behind the USS Cole and the "terror attack" on 9/11.



Now we learn that he is allowing hundreds of thousands Of Palestinian refuges to move to, and live in, The US at American taxpayer expense.



These important, and insightful, issues are being "lost" in the blinding Bail-outs and "stimulation" packages.