Have you ever wanted something (or someone) so badly that you do everything you can to make sure that you don't get it? I know that sounds backwards, but I'm realizing that I do that alot actually. I don't know if its because I figure if I push a person away at the begining they have no chance of hurting me or if I make sure not to 'get' something then there is no way for me to fail but either way... I don't think its a good thing! However even though I notice myself doing it, I can't stop! When I'm pushing away a person I find EVERY reason I can to be mad or make them mad at me so that by some twisted action I wont have to worry about being let down... I push and push until... there is nothing left to push. The sad thing is, I'm always still upset.
Uh... whatever...
Uh... whatever...
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