I cant breathe...

Have you ever felt like you were having a panic attack for no reason? I get that way every single day of my life! At about this time of day too... funny how that works isn't it? Well the truth is that everyday between 2:30-3:30 in the afternoon is when my conversation with Kasey ends on IM and I start to feel like I can't breathe anymore my heart starts pounding and I can feel little pieces around the edges starting to break and fall off... I told him about it the other day and being the man that he is asked if I needed some glue. I responded with 'only if your bringing it to me personally' While I know that he understands that its 'hard' for me to be here waiting for him I don't know if he actually understands that its more than just me missing him. Its quite silly when you think about it actually... when we miss people. We still do the same things they just seem to be different when that person isn't around. I still wake up everyday and go to work, I still watch the discovery channel and I still go out to eat with friends and yet somehow with him not being here makes everything I do somehow not as good as it was before, almost to the point of 'whats the point' he should be leaving Iraq somewhere around the 21st of September, however I am not holding my breath because if there is one thing I have learned from the ARMY in the last 5 years its to NEVER get your hopes up! If you do you will always be let down. Now having said that and feeling all brave and what not, there are only 137 days left until September 2oth which is the Sunday of the week that he is supposed to leave to come home! I'm only a little excited though because he will still be in Kansas until May but that is OK because we are going to Disneyland in December and he will be home home in Utah the whole month of December!
Today he left without really saying goodbye, it was mostly my fault because I kept asking him for just 5 mins and he said no and got offline before I could argue the matter... I HATE when he does that! I have to fight back tears at work because all I can think of everyday when he leaves is 'what if that was it and I never see him or get to talk to him again' I know its an awful thought but... I just cant help it! I'm hoping in September my stress will reduce and my skin will go back to normal!